Apologies

One of the things I can say I hate the most is being apologized to. Not because I am a difficult person who enjoys seeing people feel bad but simply because I feel like apologizing places an emotional burden on the one who has been wronged.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with apologizing to someone you have wronged. The problem, however, comes when people expect their apologies to be accepted. You apologizing means, in most cases, that you sorry and regret whatever you did to that person to warrant an apology. The thing is though, just because you are sorry does not mean the person you wronged should accept your apology and I think that is where most people get it wrong. They do not apologize because they are sincerely sorry for wronging you but rather do it to clear their own conscience. This is why most people get offended when their apologies are not accepted then resort to calling the person they are apologizing to petty for refusing to accept the apology.

If you are truly sorry, it should not matter whether the person accepts your apology or not because an apology should reflect your regret for the offence caused. Whether the person accepts or rejects your apology is totally up to them. They reserve every right to reject your apology if they feel like it because at the end of the day, they are the ones who have been wronged.

A person who has been wronged should not be given the crappy choice of either accepting an apology they do not want or be deemed petty. The moment you apologize, you admit to be in the wrong and when you are in the wrong, you do not have a right to tell the one whom you wronged how they should react and apologizing does exactly that, subliminally. As long as society keeps the mindset that apologies should always be accepted every time they are spewed out, we will still get people who apology then turn back again and still do the very same thing they were apologizing to. The best apology should be asserted with a change in character not a simple word of mouth.

Like I said at the beginning, there is nothing wrong with apologizing when you feel like you are in the wrong. What is wrong is assuming that an apology and its acceptance from the one wronged both come as a package. This a very toxic mentality which does nothing to aid the wrong doer to change their ways. It actually does the opposite because it makes the wrong doer repeat the same deed they were apologizing for knowing that all they have to do to get away with it again is just utter two words and all is forgiven. This does not promote growth in character at all and as a matter of fact perpetuates stagnancy in character because apologies will act as a back route to getting away with being terrible to other people.

We are all mere humans and unfortunately the limits of our intellect do not allow us to know what offends those around us and what does not. As much as apologizing assumes the role of bridging the gap between what is offensive and what is not, it should not be used as a tool for those in the wrong to get away with being forgiven for the wrong they did despite the lack of change of character. It should only be used to convey regret of the offensive action done, whether it’s accepted or not should not be of importance to the one apologizing. What should be of importance to them should be changing their character to ensure that they won’t have to apologize for the same thing again. An apology should only serve as a prequel to changed behavior, otherwise it is as pointless as a speck of dust in the air.

As for the ones wronged, you do not owe anyone an apology acceptance. You have every right to do as you please with an apology aimed in your direction, be it accepting it or throwing it in the trash. Never accept an apology because you feel like you have to because if you do not you will be deemed petty. Accept it because you see it as sincere and you see the person willing to change their ways. However, even if one has been wronged and reserves the right to respond however they like to an apology, they should refrain from using a genuine apology as a way of soliciting anything from the person who is apologizing to them sincerely.