Why Are Female Toxic Traits In Relationships Normalized by Society?

Perusing through one's Twitter feed, it is usual to come across some cringe-worthy posts with a lot of engagement which is mostly in the affirmative of what the original tweet is about but makes you go "why isn't anyone seeing anything wrong with this?!".Be it tweets about politics, sports or any other topic, Twitter seems to be the perfect hub for normalized but problematic takes that makes one question the trajectory of human morality.

Of all those hot-takes which nowadays seem to be the norm rather than the exception on the micro-blogging site, the one which has always baffled me over my almost decade-long use of the social media channel is the normalization and even revering of toxic traits by women in romantic relationships.

Going through the site, it is usual to come across tweets by women calmly and proudly talking about how they exhibit some pretty toxic traits like having trust issues, making their partners go through endless "shit tests" and even downright infidelity in their relationships.

To address the first one—trust issues—why is it ok for women to not trust their partners to a point where it is seen as ok for a woman to lambast a man for showing the slightest courtesy to another woman? Why is it ok for women to talk about how they tell their partner off for even having his eyes in the direction of another female? Isn't that a form of emotional abuse? Why are "crazy" women who make their partners go through the most unnecessary emotional strains celebrated and held to such a high pedestal by society especially on social media?

It is always said—especially by women—how men should not bring their past issues into present relationships so my question then becomes, why is it then ok for women to bring their trust issues which stem from childhood traumas or past relationships into their present relationships and make their partners pay the emotional price for their past betrayals? You constantly exhibiting trust issues with your partners makes them feel like they can never do enough to earn your trust and if it's true indeed that indeed they will never earn your full trust, why are you still with them? Why not leave instead of making another person always feel like they can never be good enough because of your own insecurities? Isn't trust supposed to be the foundation of any and every relationship?

The number of shit tests that women make men go through is just appalling and really make one wonder what about the relationships is making the men stick it out and stay in such situations because in opinion, nothing should ever take precedence over your mental wellbeing. It is like nowadays the quality of a man in a relationship is measured by how much bullshit he can take from his partner without breaking and society wonders why suicide rates amongst men are so high. Contrary to the seemingly popular belief, men also have emotions that are also susceptible to being hurt and it's like most women are either unintentionally oblivious or blatantly ignorant to this fact.

As much as chivalry is not a bad thing itself, it seems like in today's society, it is being exploited by most women in relationships to better serve their selfish interests with total disregard to their partner's wellbeing. It seems the genuineness of relationships nowadays is measured by happy the woman is with total disregard for the emotional cost of that happiness on the man. It is like compromise—in whichever form— is always expected on the man but never on the woman.

Compromise from both sides is necessary for any healthy relationship but when it is always coming from one side, it becomes more of manipulation by one partner on another. As an example, always purposedly having to concede arguments with a partner because she manipulates you into thinking you are the one in the wrong is not you compromising "to keep the peace" but you being manipulated by an emotionally selfish partner who always wants to get her way and there is absolutely nothing healthy about that.

In my opinion, relationships should be about sharing a life with someone who contributes to you becoming a better version of yourself and at the same time you assuming the same role in their life. However, nowadays it seems like they are more about how much from yourself can you take away to build and make another person happy without crumbling. This relationship dynamic can be credited to several factors including the advent of social media which made relationships be more about how happy everyone "seems" to be as well as societal expectations of male chivalry.

Men, because society expects them to always be chivalrous no matter the cost, almost always get the short end of this toxic relationship dynamic and because they already find it hard to express their emotional discontent, it ends up severely affecting their mental wellbeing as well as fueling their more violent expression of discontent which is not good for anyone.

The current trend of relationships, whereby it seems to be all about how much a man can give and concede, both in a materialistic and emotional way, is in no way beneficial to neither men nor women in the short or long term. Not only is it detrimental to the mental wellbeing of men, it also fuels toxic masculinity and does not contribute anything to the growth of neither partner which should be the goal of any romantic relationship.

It is time female toxic traits are called out and shunned by society as much toxic masculinity and male entitlement are. They should not just be brushed off as just social media jokes or "just women being women" because they are severely detrimental to the wellbeing of other people. Just as much as men seldom make misogynist "jokes" nowadays because of the online feminism movement, it should also get to a point where women understand that being toxic is not funny or anything to boast of.


  1. thank you for being one of the few people to stand up to this double standard. i will not tolerate shit tests, i dont care how many articles are pumped out about passing them or claiming they are good. its toxic and i wont tolerate it

  2. As the previous comment said. Thank you! You expressed what many, if not most, of men think. but are afraid to bring to light because of the toxic backlash we know we'd get for speaking our truth. Our emotions and opinions have been de-validated and villainized. Yes, there are bad men out there. of course there are. but that is a trend of any group. there will be some bad ones. But most men are good. They are just beaten down and defeated. To the point where they no longer know what a healthy relationship looks like.


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